A PERSONAL TALE OF SEXUAL ABUSE FROM AN ANONYMOUS YOUNG MAN, LET’S CALL HIM EKONG
It all started from my secondary school days, when my father was compelled by his colleagues in the office not to send me to a public school due to my excellent academic performance, but he was not bouyant enough to foot the bills of a private school away from home, because we had none in my area.
Finally I was sent to a private boarding school by the help of some of my primary school teachers and after a year, they could not continue to pay.
One of my teachers who pretended to be a youth corp member in the school asked that I stay with him. He met with my dad and after staying for a while requested that I travel to his hometown with him. With the approval of my dad and due to the economic strength of the family I went with him. He was a perpetrator of abuse against teenagers.
The more I voiced out, I could not leave the house because my dad feared how I will register in a new school
This attack continued until after my WAEC. Efforts were made by both himself and his family members that I stay back, but I left the house to their own surprise and refused going there again.
When he shared his story with me,he was hurting because no one would believe his story of sexual assault because his abuser was respected by family members.
WHAT IS CHILD GROOMING
Child grooming is befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child and sometimes with the family members to lower a child’s inhibition with the objective of sexual abuse.
Child grooming is also regularly used to lure minors into various illict business such as child trafficking,child prostitution or the production of child pornography.
ONLINE SEXUAL GROOMING
This occurs when a sexual predators approaches children, intiates conversation and build a relationship with children on the internet which would lead to sexual abuse. Through taking sexual photos,sending sexual messages and sextortion.
Secrecy is one of the process a sexual offender uses to capture a their victims. Micheal Welner explains 6 stages of child grooming that can lead to sexual abuse.
TARGETS THE VICTIM- He or she looks out for a child who is vulnerable, emotionally needy, suffering isolation, lower self esteem and lacking parental supervision.
GAINING THE VICTIMS TRUST- The sexual predator gains trust by watching and gathering information about the child to find out what he needs and fills it.
FILLING A NEED- The predators begins to fill his need through through cash gifts,gift donation,being a listening ear and a good buddy.
ISOLATING THE CHILD- They do this by cutting him off from his parents and peers in a subtle manner and make him feel special in ways no one dose to him.
SEXUALIZING THE RELATIONSHIP- The abuser moves forward to introduce sexual contact through touch,porn, taking nude pictures,,showing his or her genitals and making the child like such.
MAINTAINING CONTROL- He or she gradually begins to use the act of secrecy and blame to maintain the child’s continuous participation in sexual activity.
A mother just recently discovered her 16 year old son had been having sexual relationship with her bestie whom she constantly reported her son to when he misbehaves and sometimes to calm tempers ,he would pass the night in her home. She was completely devastated when she found out.
There was a report of a football coach in eastern Nigeria who was arrested for sodomizing his young team players .
A pastor in Lagos was arrested in last year for sodomizing 15 boys in his church . What is standing out is a process of grooming took place unknown to the boys.
HOW TO DETECT A GROOMER
1- Too familiar with family members,always willing to help out.
2- Develops a close tight bond with your son and they are always alone together.
3-He or she loves to be in the company of children at all times.
4-They share secrets with your child and insist they don’t tell.
5- Maintain contact with your boy when you aren’t around.
6- They are interested in your son’s romantic life while it may look like they are being protective,it’s a gimmick for sexual abuse.
7- They ignore boundary when relating with your son.
8- They buy your son’s gifts and give away money.
9- A groomers home is filled with children’s toys and loves playing with kids.
10- Touches your child playfully to see if you as a parent or him will react.
11- They can build relationships with boys on social media acting as another boy or girl .
12- It’s not right if your son is friends with an adult male or female.
HOW TO PREVENT CHILD GROOMING
A- Talk to boys early about their body parts .
B- Teach your son’s about body boundaries.
C- Tell your boy that body secrets is not okay.
D- Teach your son no one should touch their private parts.
E- Teach your son to voice out a NO if they feel uncomfortable with any person.
F- Teach your son a code name to use if they feel unsafe around anyone.
G- Let your child know speaking up won’t get them into trouble.
H- Tell your boy a body touch tickles and feels good but it’s wrong to be touched that way.
I- Tell your son this rules applies to people they know and even with other boys.
A BROKEN BOY IS A BROKEN MAN