Don Davis was an 11 year old student of Deeper Life High School Akwa Ibom who suffered grave bullying, sexual assault, starvation and oppression from staff and student which led to ill health and social media outcry which led to the arrest of some students and staff of the school.
Slyvester Oromoni was a 12 year old student of Dowen College Lagos who passed on as a result of physical assault meted on him by some student in school, he opened up about some senior students who assulted him before he died and his death led to a nation wide condemnation which led to arrest of some student and closure of the school.
WHAT IS BULLYING-Bullying is an aggressive repetitive behaviour amongst school age children that involves display of power. Boys are more prone to physical Bullying and tend to assemble group of followers that are looking for acceptance,these followers will do anything to maintain their position in the group.
A great deal of male bullying is influenced by the boy code which believes as males you must be powerful, aggressive and violent.
WHY BOYS BULLY
Here re reasons why some boys are bullies,
- Uncontrollable anger.
- Lack of parental control.
- Domestic Violence at home.
- Lack of social skills.
- Lack of emotional intelligence.
- The need to be seen,heard and respected.
- Wrong understanding about power and leadership.
- Low self esteem.
- Dysfunctional family.
- Poverty stricken family.
Boys see bullying as a strong symbol of strength and the victims as weak,this kind of behavior is a reflection of how we have normalize the concept of “rough play”, “boys will be boys cliche and not raising boys on how to better resolve conflicts and manage friendships trigger Bullying in schools.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR SON IS A BULLY
We usually assume boys who bully other boys are bad kids but do you know some good kids become bullies because of peer pressure,the need to fit in,the crave for attention or they are naturally assertive or aggressive. As a parent this is what you can do for your son if he is a bully.
- Talk to your son about his bully behaviour.
- Find out underlying emotional issues.
- Help him understand how not to balk under peer pressure and resolve conflicts.
- Expose him to emotional intelligence and social skill.
- Employ disciplinary measures at home to serve as punishment.
- Have him apologize and make amends with the bullied boys.
- If it’s possible a change of school environment is not a bad idea.
- Open up on the consequences of bullying.
- Remove privileges.
- Mornitor him well.
- Seek a counselor.
It’s important for parents and school staff understand the impact of bullying on school children. Research has shown that children who are bullied experience psychological, physical and academic effect,not left out is the bully who also could face legal prosecution or explusion from school.
PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS
- Panic attacks.
- Anxiety.
- Depression.
- Low self esteem.
- Alcohol and drug abuse.
- Aggression or withdrawal.
- Mood swings.
- Mental disorders
- Suicide
- Emotional trauma.
PHSICAL EFFECTS
- Body injuries.
- Sleep disorders.
- Stomach pains
- Headaches.
- Heart palpitation.
- Dizziness
- Bed wetting
- Unexplained chronic pains.
- Low immune system.
ACADEMIC EFFECTS
- Poor grades.
- Short attention span.
- Flunk classes.
- Poor assimilation.
EFFECT ON BULLIES
- Fear of retaliation.
- Anxiety.
- Emotional distress.
- Juvenile prosecution and detention.
EFFECT OF BULLYING ON CHILDREN WHO ARE WITNESSES
They experience negative self perception,poor social skills,conduct problem,low emotional intelligence,rejection,sleep disorders, anxieties and fears.
SIGNS OF A BULLIED BOY
- Unexplained injuries.
- Loss of clothing and personal effect.
- Frequent headaches or stomach pains.
- Skipping meals or binge eating.
- Nightmares or difficulty sleeping.
- Declining grades and not wanting to go to school.
- Sudden loss of friends.
- Feeling of helplessness
- Self destructive behaviour.
- Depression.
SIGNS A BOY IS A BULLY
- He gets into physical or verbal fight often.
- He has friends who are bullies.
- Increased aggression.
- Have unexplained money or new belongings.
- Constantly trading blames to others.
- Never accepts responsibility.
WHY DO BOYS WHO ARE BULLIED NEVER SPEAK UP
- They are helpless.
- Afraid of backlash.
- It’s a humiliating experience.
- They feel socially isolated.
- Fear of rejection.
- Underlying threats.
WHO ARE AT RISK OF BEING BULLIED
- Boys perceived different from their peers,maybe skinny,fat,wear glasses,clumsy,too quiet, talkative,unable to afford cool stuffs.
- Perceived weak.
- Depress,anxious and have low self esteem.
- Less popular.
- Do not get along with others.
- Physically or mentally challenged.
BOYS WHO TURN BULLIES
- Popular ones.
- Have lots of friends.
- Socially powerful.
- Overtly aggressive and assertive.
- Isolated from peers.
- Less involved in school activities.
- Think badly and low of others.
- Violent lifestyle.
- Lack of parental control.
- Dysfunctional family setting.
WAYS TO PREVENT BULLYING FROM THE HOME FRONT
- Help kids understand what bullying looks and feels like.
- Explain to your kids what healthy friendship is.
- Expose your kids to emotional intelligence,so they can handle their emotions well and think things through.
- Recognize warning signs.
- Empower your kids with tactics and tools to handle Bullying.
- Find out of your kid’s school has policies surrounding bullying.
- Report Bullying incident and ensure its resolved.
- Initiate bullying prevention programme.
WAYS TO PREVENT BULLYING FROM THE SCHOOL FRONT
- Install cctv cameras around the school.
- Create platforms where pupils and student can report anonymously,be traced and receives help.
- Increase the presence of more supervisors.
- Allow open communication between teachers and students.
- There should be an anti-bullying polices in your schools.
- Every school must have a counselor for support and intervention for the bullied and the bully.
- Discourage bystanders on bullying and should learn to speak up and so something.
Is your son a bully or he is being bullied,reach out to me at boyslivesmatter53@gmail.com
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