As a single mum raising a son, previously celebrated myself on father’s day as a father until my son gave me downcast look and said I missed having a father and it dawned on me right there that nothing I do could replace the place of a father in his heart. I also realized that paying bills didn’t make me a father but a responsible parent and a mom. He has had several amazing father figures helping him navigate the journey of manhood. I am content being a mom.
Father son relationship is one of the formidable relationship every boy should have, more often do we see constant strains between fathers and their sons. Sometimes dad and son feel competitive against one another, other times communication is one key issue hampering their relationship.
I met a 13 year old boy in one of my school outreaches where I went to teach the student about sex education, after my talk he wanted to have a private moment with me over an issue bothering him. He shared that he was deeply troubled about what happens at him at night, he wakes and discovers his night wear is soiled and he knows he didn’t pee and also his female cousins who sleeps with him on the same bed has a habit of fondling with his penis or watches him having his bath, what should he do. By the time I explained what he was experiencing was normal and he should put his foot down and warn his female cousin to stop fondling him or he will report the issue he felt so relieved. I inquired about his father and he said he is too scared to share with dad about his problems, that worried me because his dad is the best person to help him navigate puberty with ease.
HERE ARE SIMPLE TIPS TO BUILD A FATHER -SON RELATIONSHIP WITH EASE
1-The best time to start building that relationship is to begin when they are babies which entail spending quality time to play together and carry them a lot.
2-Build a rapport through constant and consistent communication daily, even when you are away from home ,constant communication via phone is important; this reminds of a 3 year old I saw with his mom, he took his mom’s phone and kept say ” daddy yello over and over again, I laughed so loud because it was funny. Its obvious his father communicated a lot with him through the phone.
3-Do things together such as reading, singing, watching cartoons, playing an instrument, making meals together, go out on walks together, attend events together.
4-Be present at your son’s school activities.
5-Have moment to share and open on personal matters especially around sex education.
6-Be a role model, show your son how to be a gentleman, treat a woman right ,manage conflicts and handle problems.
7-Music is one powerful medium for bonding , find out shared interest in music, rub minds on it and play it together.
8-Work together on a project, it always a fun time to build stuff together.
9-Set boundaries be assertive and insist on discipline and accountability.
10-Take him to work meetings so he can see what you do at work and learn work ethics.
Studies shows that positive time a father spends with his son can reduce the likelihood of boys becoming anxious, depressed or aggressive. According to Psychology Today , researches has it that Men who break the law are far more likely to have fathers who also broke the law. For sons of law abiding fathers, only 4% were found to be convicted of more than one delinquent act.
BENEFIT OF DADDY-SON BOND
Boys can rely on their father for guidance and wisdom.
Boys can understand the journey to manhood easily.
Their father is their first teacher.
Boys become more empathetic.
Better decision makers.
Imbibe the importance of family.
Celebrate his small accomplishment.
Understands actions and consequences.
Becoming a father is not easy it requires patience ,love and trust, there will be times and moments of discord or disagreements or estrangement; a father never stops loving his son. That’s all that counts, make an efforts to be there for your son, prioritize your family, fight for your family, protect your family and be the hero your son sees you as so he can emulate you.
boyslivesmatter