A mother was observing her five year old son at play one day and noticed something strange, he was playing with two of his super hero toys and merged both together simulating anal sex. she was badly shaken and watched the act till the end, she summoned up courage to get a video recorder to film the conversation she was going to have with her son afterwards. She proceeded to having a playful conversation with her son and began to ask him questions and that was when the little boy unveiled that Daddy and his best friend were involved in a sexual relationship and their sexual affair was always done at home when she wasn’t home. She had enough evidence to report to child protection agency that her son was exposed to sexual behaviors by  father.

Quite a shocking discovery to any parent!

         When my son was seven years of age, he loved to hold and fondle the shaft of his penis; I was a bit taken aback until I did a bit of study on sexual behavior and I realized it was just a normal behavior. He is nine years plus and he enjoys being nude and sleeping without his clothes on. From my observation he was just being himself and comfortable in his skin.  

                    WHAT IS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR

Sexual behavior is a range of sexual activities children exhibits before or during puberty, sexual behavior is common in children. 5% of children will engage in some type of sexual behavior before their 13th birthday. In one health  study of 339 child welfare and mental health professionals in which participants were asked about their own experiences before 13 years of age; 73% recalled engaging in sexual behaviors with other children, 34% recalled shoeing of their genitals to other kids, 10% recalled simulating intercourse with another child and 5% recalled inserting an object in the vagina  rectum of another child, Professor Simon Hackett of child abuse and neglect in the department of soc犀利士
iology at Durham University said- Sexual behavior expressed by children and young persons less than 18 years old that are developmentally inappropriate maybe harmful towards self or others or be abusive towards a child, young person and adult.

This brings to mind an incident that happened underneath my window while I was away to work, my brother caught two kids less than 10 years of age rubbing their genitals together by my window, by the time he stepped out to have a word with them they both ran away. That’s a classic example of kids indulging in sexual activities and exhibiting sexual behaviors that was inappropriate.

From ages 3-5 years of age , children demonstrate a growing awareness about their bodies and its functions. They are curious, talkative about everything including their body, they want to snuggle up in bed, join their parents in the bathroom, watch them dress up or handle the genitals, some other kids fondle with their penis, go nude in the house, look at each others genitals, I recall a boy at one of my school tours to his school to speak on sexuality education, he asked me this question- why is my penis not growing am i normal? I  had to quell the notion that there was something wrong with him, also made him realize  he was absolutely fine the way he was and that everyone  undergoes growth stage at different times and pace.

HARMFUL SEXUAL BEHAVIORS IN

IN TODDLERS

• Continually touches his genitals even distracted to stop it,
• Engaging in sexual touch and activity with other children.
• Playing with toys in a sexual way for example; humping on a teddy bear or pillow.
• Persistently peeping at other children or adults when they are naked.

PRESCHOOLERS

• Keeps touching or rubbing his genitals in public and not responding to keep away from it
• using sexual language 0r slangs.
• Touching the genitals of other kids or animals and wont stop even when told to do so.
• Trying to put an object in someone else’s anus or vaginal,

SCHOOL AGE

• Masturbates frequently and publicly.
• Use explicit sexual language.
• Plays sexual online or physical games with other kids.
• Fondling or tricking other kids to play sexual games.

TEENAGERS

• Indulges in rape and gang rape.
• Flashes his genitals publicly.
• Hooked on pornography.
• Stalking someone who is not interested in them
• Use of foul sexual language.
• Indulges in sexual jokes.
• Sending and demanding nudes.
• Sexting.
• Drugs a girl and rapes her
• Inappropriate touch of others genitals

These harmful sexual behaviors clearly shows that your son is in crisis and need the intervention of a therapist.

Are you wondering what could lead  children and young persons indulge in harmful sexual behaviors, here are some reasons:

• Access  to the internet which exposes them to sexual behaviors.
• Learned behavior from adults.
• Lack of parental love and care.
• Unmet emotional’ need.
• Attachment problems.
• Problematic or domestic violence prone filled- home.
• Social rejection and loneliness.
• Lack of knowledge about sexual boundaries.

PRIMARY PREVENTION OF HARMFUL SEXUAL BEHAVIORS

• Begin to teach your son about sexuality education
• Expose your kids the difference between inappropriate and appropriate touch.
• Give your son clear cut guideline on privacy and body boundary.
• Bond with your son so well you become the go-to person to answering any questions on sexuality.
• Help your boy understand consent and sex..
• Guide him as he transverse the journey into puberty.
• Build his self esteem and respect for his body.
• Show him how not to buckle under sexual pressure.

If you notice your son with a problematic sexual behaviors, Its best to see a family doctor, child pediatrician, or a psychologist to help manage his behaviors, this is the time to be calm and not stigmatize him.

You can reach out to me via my email- boyslivesmatter@gmail.com

or

Cece Yara on 0800-800-8001

Boyslivesmatter